Well, I've learned that I really don't know who I've become. I know who I used to be. I know what I used to think but, the thoughts that have been running through my head..they don't seem like mine. Okay, I'm not trying to sound like a freak..What I mean is that I am thinking the things...they just aint same things I used to think & I don't like it. I don't why I can't hold it together. I smile so that people will leave me alone and shutup and stop asking me questions and it's worked quite well these past few months but...how is it helping me any? Holding it all in behind a smile? I've always been told that when the going gets rough..smile. & so I try to and I really don't understand that statement anymore..It all seems unreal right now. I don't want to do anything, go anywhere...If I'm not laying on my bed sleeping, I'm in a different world..Yeah I do what my parents say and I work around the house but, the whole time I'm just counting down how long it'll be until I can sleep again. They say the first step to recovery is admitting it..well, I admitted it..I've tried to change it but, it aint working..and I don't like to give up so I will keep praying and fighting satan who seems to really want to bring me down and destroy me right now......but, I got Jesus's Blood Running through my veins so satan can go jump offa cliff and leave me alone.
My God is truly awesome!
Steph Alderson is Outt. Literally.
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