I am one uncomfortable 14yr old. I'm in my pjs w/ a wayy oversized hoody, fuzzy socks:) & my ankle's killing me.
I got pushed like really freaking hard by a freaking idiot who did it on "accident" you don't push someone that hard and far, on accident dylan! & So now my ankle is now the size of a tennis ball. Thrills. but, I can't let it show at home or no sports for me. I hated it when I asked which one I cared about more basketball or cross country. That's a dumb question! I like basketball more but, my freaking ankle doesn't agree with me. & It hurts with everything I stinking do in basketball yet, I put up with the pain because mom said if it hurts me again I'm not playing basketball. so yeah that was a kind of dumb question to me and it kind of hurt my feelings. But, it doesn't matter, right? Yeah. It doesn't because in this world no one cares about others. They care about themselves. Also, for people who don't get me, which is pretty much everyone in the world. I'm not referring to my coach about the whole only caring about themselves thing. My coach is cool, I have nothing bad to say about him. I just thought it was a stupid question. I'm referring to you stupid people in the world who say things in front of people, talk bad about people you don't know, etc. & I could care less about what you think of me but, I do care about how you treat others. If you don't know a person, don't say things. It's that simple. & If you do know a person don't say things either. I saw people cry today that I thought I'd never see cry. It breaks my heart. Humanity disgusts me. God gave us life! Jesus died for our sins! Yet, we still judge. We still murder, kidnap, lie, cheat, etc. We use people. Why? Simply because it's easy. It's common. Have you ever thought of doing it the "hard way". It is hard not to judge, not to lie, etc. but, those who are true christians. Those who truly love God. You treat them horrible. they have feelings to! Just because you're jealous of them doesn't mean you can be jerks to them. & That doesn't give Christians permission to be jerks to you either but, umm hint the word CHRISTIANS! CHRISTIANS don't judge or be jerks to innocent people or atleast they shouldn't. So don't judge us all just because of one person. I'm sorry I'm full of attitude today. My facebook status said I was grouchy when I woke up this morning. I gave you my fair warning. Deal with it.
Like I said...I'm a very grumpy 14 yr old who can't stand seeing these sins anymore.
Who has plans, and dreams & unlike some, I'm not going to let opinions of people stop me.
Yeah, I'm ditzy,"stupid", I'm whatever you want to call me. That's your opinion. To God, I'm one of His children. & Honestly, He's all that matters to me.
I love you!
Sorry for my rude words.
Steph Alderson. <3
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Monday, September 6, 2010
Unclassified Loon.
I feel like I'm in the wrong place. If you can even understand that. I guess not, I guess if I explained my feelings to you, you'd think I'm a loon. Well, I may be..Idk...I really don't care what you think. I feel like I'm not supposed to be here. I just feel so out of place. I've felt like this off and on for a very long time & it came back.:( & my dreams aren't helping me any. They're telling me the same thing. My dreams are weird, creepy, but, interesting enough to write a book about them. These last few weeks, I've had the most vivid dreams ever. None of them relate to each other at all except for the simple fact that in each dream, I'm not here. & there was a few that had people..that I don't know..never seen before...I'm just scared I guess. I don't know what to do, how to react..nothing. I can't share this with anyone, I'll get classified as mentally challenged & put in sped. & I'm not mentally challenged. I know that for a fact. It's just...I don't think anyone would understand what I'm trying to say. I guess I could tell them all I typed here but, once again, I'd be classified as a loon! LOL I guess that all I can do is pray about it & Let God take over. I just need to keep following His plan.
I <3 you God!
Steph Alderson.
An Unclassified Loon.
I <3 you God!
Steph Alderson.
An Unclassified Loon.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Lies. My thoughts confirmed.
I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.
I know I shouldn't but I do.
You're a liar,cheater,jerk, who cares only about u.
You smile and everyone melts.
You don't give a hell how any one feels or has felt.
You walk the walk and you talk the talk.
What are ya gunna do when you get that broke leg?
What are ya gunna do when you have to beg?
When are you going to learn that, Church is best.
When are you realize that you needa rest?
I don't care. You can lie cheat whatever.
Just don't bring me in the middle.
Yanky doo day diddle.
My thoughts confirmed over somethings.
Have you ever felt like you are all alone in this world. You always have God and Jesus but, you know what I mean. Like you feel like you have no one on earth like human wise that you can talk to? that's exactly how I feel right now.
I don't trust anyone. When you lie to me, I lose trust most automatically. It's called shielding. & it's how I am with everyone now. There isn't a person in my life who hasn't lied to me. & that's my problem right now. My heart can't take any more lies. My soul is tired of people's lies. & so is my mind.
I'm tired of lies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know I shouldn't but I do.
You're a liar,cheater,jerk, who cares only about u.
You smile and everyone melts.
You don't give a hell how any one feels or has felt.
You walk the walk and you talk the talk.
What are ya gunna do when you get that broke leg?
What are ya gunna do when you have to beg?
When are you going to learn that, Church is best.
When are you realize that you needa rest?
I don't care. You can lie cheat whatever.
Just don't bring me in the middle.
Yanky doo day diddle.
My thoughts confirmed over somethings.
Have you ever felt like you are all alone in this world. You always have God and Jesus but, you know what I mean. Like you feel like you have no one on earth like human wise that you can talk to? that's exactly how I feel right now.
I don't trust anyone. When you lie to me, I lose trust most automatically. It's called shielding. & it's how I am with everyone now. There isn't a person in my life who hasn't lied to me. & that's my problem right now. My heart can't take any more lies. My soul is tired of people's lies. & so is my mind.
I'm tired of lies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
mask it outt.
My day's been flat out horrible.
This day has to be the worst one yet.
You know it really gets old..smiling and laughing when you really don't feel like smiling and you really don't think somethings funny but, that's what you gotta do. Hide behind a mask for as long as possible and then when your mask cracks..make sure it's late at night when everyone's a sleep or in the shower. or when you're all alone. Yes, it's quite simple. Depression? Maybe. Enough to make me want to actually injure or kill myself? No..not yet atleast. but, I'll be fine...Just need to refresh "the mask" & I'll be set to go.
Later.
Steph
This day has to be the worst one yet.
You know it really gets old..smiling and laughing when you really don't feel like smiling and you really don't think somethings funny but, that's what you gotta do. Hide behind a mask for as long as possible and then when your mask cracks..make sure it's late at night when everyone's a sleep or in the shower. or when you're all alone. Yes, it's quite simple. Depression? Maybe. Enough to make me want to actually injure or kill myself? No..not yet atleast. but, I'll be fine...Just need to refresh "the mask" & I'll be set to go.
Later.
Steph
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
:)
You were everything to me.
You had my heart, you earned my smiles.
I thought we might actually last quite a while.
I shoulda realized that you weren't gunna change.
It was wrong of me to expect you too.
Yeah, but, I still kinda miss you..
I know you don't need me.
You got her now.
She'll give you her everything.
& by that I mean everything.
but, it's ok..even know I have to see u everyday..
I'll just turn the other way..
& I shoulda known that's whatcha wanted from me all along..
but, that aint me..I aint gunna stand for that.
I'm a girl not a play toy & I shouldn't be treated like I am!
but, you don't care..you're just a devil with a country boy tan!
You stole my heart.
You led me to believe..
that you may actually truly love me.
but, it's ok..even know I have 2 see u everyday..
i'll just turn the other way.
So she can keep filling you up between classes.
You can keep puttin your hands up her shirt
You'll keep playing this game until it's game over.
But, you took my heart & earned another life.
When are all these girl gunna learn your big fat lie?
But it's ok..even know I have 2 see you everyday..
I'll just turn the other way..
You can keep flirting with every stinking girl
and treating them all like they're your whole world
all ya want is sex
& sadly that's what you get.
butcha didn't get it from me & it aint something I regret!
But it's ok..even know I have 2 see u everyday..
I'll just turn the other way..
& I'll smile the day away
knowing that I wasn't one of those fools
who fell for you before realizing you were cruel..so..soo..cruel
You're a jerk! You're a lier!
You're a player who knows the game!
To you, every girl is just so plain!
You want their bodies & that is all.
You want there hearts, you want them to fall.
You think they're weak..You think you're their everything
& then you leave...& you realize that maybe some didn't giva dang!
Yup that's me! Idon't giva dang! You can keep my heart, I'll buy a new one!
You better remember those smiles..because those will b the last from me!
Yeah..
but it's ok..I'll just turn the other way..
I don't wantcha back. Not now. Not ever!
You had my heart, you earned my smiles.
I thought we might actually last quite a while.
I shoulda realized that you weren't gunna change.
It was wrong of me to expect you too.
Yeah, but, I still kinda miss you..
I know you don't need me.
You got her now.
She'll give you her everything.
& by that I mean everything.
but, it's ok..even know I have to see u everyday..
I'll just turn the other way..
& I shoulda known that's whatcha wanted from me all along..
but, that aint me..I aint gunna stand for that.
I'm a girl not a play toy & I shouldn't be treated like I am!
but, you don't care..you're just a devil with a country boy tan!
You stole my heart.
You led me to believe..
that you may actually truly love me.
but, it's ok..even know I have 2 see u everyday..
i'll just turn the other way.
So she can keep filling you up between classes.
You can keep puttin your hands up her shirt
You'll keep playing this game until it's game over.
But, you took my heart & earned another life.
When are all these girl gunna learn your big fat lie?
But it's ok..even know I have 2 see you everyday..
I'll just turn the other way..
You can keep flirting with every stinking girl
and treating them all like they're your whole world
all ya want is sex
& sadly that's what you get.
butcha didn't get it from me & it aint something I regret!
But it's ok..even know I have 2 see u everyday..
I'll just turn the other way..
& I'll smile the day away
knowing that I wasn't one of those fools
who fell for you before realizing you were cruel..so..soo..cruel
You're a jerk! You're a lier!
You're a player who knows the game!
To you, every girl is just so plain!
You want their bodies & that is all.
You want there hearts, you want them to fall.
You think they're weak..You think you're their everything
& then you leave...& you realize that maybe some didn't giva dang!
Yup that's me! Idon't giva dang! You can keep my heart, I'll buy a new one!
You better remember those smiles..because those will b the last from me!
Yeah..
but it's ok..I'll just turn the other way..
I don't wantcha back. Not now. Not ever!
O:)
I've gotten to the point in life..where I really don't care anymore. Why should I care what other people think of me? I don't. I also realized that I don't ever want to get married or date or bleghh all tht stuff. Lol I just don't see the point of it. I can never give some dude or female (so no one takes this incorrectly) anyways, I could never give anyone my heart. & I don't plan on changing for anyone & I don't want to make anybody change for me. I just rather stay single forever. I can do it. I don't need anybody..I just need God & I will be fine. Honestly, I don't want to have to share my smiles,my home,my anything really with anybody ever. I'm not being "greedy" I just really rather stay by myself. I've never met anyone in my entire life that I could be with for a long period of time that didn't irritate me in some manner. & I know there's supposed 2 be someone out there for everyone but, I've considered maybe God wanted me to stay by myself? I don't know..and for me to try to guess is just going to make God laugh. I'll just be patient and follow His plan but, as of right now I don't want to date. & I sure as heck don't want to get married. In my mind, no one is awesome enough. LOL:) I'm not settling for anybody who doesn't believe what I believe. I aint settling 4 anybody that isn't honest,confident,nice,respectful,patient, and I'd appreciate if they like sports and stuff too & I aint settling for anyone who aint willing to take me to church on Sunday mornings & nights! & I will go 2 the church I choose daggummit. I might have "High Expectations" but, oh well..they aint changing & I aint changing! I got God & that's all I need! & ALL I WANT!!!:)
Steph Alderson!:)
Steph Alderson!:)
Super duper trooper!:)
Haha!
Steph Alderson had a super duperly awesomely magnificent most definitly amazzingly sweet day!:) And guess why?? Because God LOVES me!:) & Guess what else!!!??? He LOVES you also! Yepp!!:) Lol
Anyways, herez da dayy,
1st hr-pre-ap english- we read a "verrry scawwie" book called the dangerous game. We didn't finish but, Carley & I kept predicting what was going to happen(making up completely out of this world conclusions) & it was fun stuff..can't wait to finish it tomorrow!:)
2nd hr-p.e- we ran a mile...fun stuff. lol & I still needa fix my shoelaces!! LOL:) & umm....I think that's it..oh and we did our stretches thingy mcbobs lol & i still suckkkkkk at pushups and situps:)
3rd hr-civics
We made a collage using one of the following topics: the services government provides. the way government helps. laws. We chose services!! It was fun lol but, ofcours rae and weso r fightn like the whole time so mainly Brookerz & I did the work. lol
4th hr-Algebra2..the most dreaded hour.
The teacher gets on muh nerves! but, I did learn a lot though so I guess that's good. Ask me to solve a 3 part linear equation(if u can even make any sense out of that)!! Just ask it! I'll solve it!:) LOL
5th hr- CBA- fun..i guess..the teach' is purty kwl and we just did computer stuff..while timmy laughed at my anger towards the computer.:( LOL
6th hr-AgSci&Tech- We just looked over possible agricultural careers and I proved 2 mrs. s tht coaching could be considered an agricultural career. We could be a coach & a farmer. So, I got to choose that as the job i researched.:) new seating arrangement.. i sit by rae,mckayla,& travi.thrillz. lol
7th hr-B@$k3tb@11
We did the shooting thing again. & stories that were supposed 2 STAY IN THE LOCKER ROOM! LOL got a little mixed up & told to coach. grr. talk about embarassing! LOL:) nah..i really don't care. LOL
8th-Physical Science
gotta watch some chickaz fight & stuffz but yeahhh. and we have a new seating arrangement. guess who im sitting by? Josh. :( Lol but, he's been nice so i guess it's k. grr. mrs. d! LOL:)
Steph Alderson had a super duperly awesomely magnificent most definitly amazzingly sweet day!:) And guess why?? Because God LOVES me!:) & Guess what else!!!??? He LOVES you also! Yepp!!:) Lol
Anyways, herez da dayy,
1st hr-pre-ap english- we read a "verrry scawwie" book called the dangerous game. We didn't finish but, Carley & I kept predicting what was going to happen(making up completely out of this world conclusions) & it was fun stuff..can't wait to finish it tomorrow!:)
2nd hr-p.e- we ran a mile...fun stuff. lol & I still needa fix my shoelaces!! LOL:) & umm....I think that's it..oh and we did our stretches thingy mcbobs lol & i still suckkkkkk at pushups and situps:)
3rd hr-civics
We made a collage using one of the following topics: the services government provides. the way government helps. laws. We chose services!! It was fun lol but, ofcours rae and weso r fightn like the whole time so mainly Brookerz & I did the work. lol
4th hr-Algebra2..the most dreaded hour.
The teacher gets on muh nerves! but, I did learn a lot though so I guess that's good. Ask me to solve a 3 part linear equation(if u can even make any sense out of that)!! Just ask it! I'll solve it!:) LOL
5th hr- CBA- fun..i guess..the teach' is purty kwl and we just did computer stuff..while timmy laughed at my anger towards the computer.:( LOL
6th hr-AgSci&Tech- We just looked over possible agricultural careers and I proved 2 mrs. s tht coaching could be considered an agricultural career. We could be a coach & a farmer. So, I got to choose that as the job i researched.:) new seating arrangement.. i sit by rae,mckayla,& travi.thrillz. lol
7th hr-B@$k3tb@11
We did the shooting thing again. & stories that were supposed 2 STAY IN THE LOCKER ROOM! LOL got a little mixed up & told to coach. grr. talk about embarassing! LOL:) nah..i really don't care. LOL
8th-Physical Science
gotta watch some chickaz fight & stuffz but yeahhh. and we have a new seating arrangement. guess who im sitting by? Josh. :( Lol but, he's been nice so i guess it's k. grr. mrs. d! LOL:)
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