Dear World,

Dear World,
I'm extremely tired of you. It seems everything has to be done and learned the hard way. Also, assumptions are always made, expectations are always highly difficult to succeed, judging is always happening, mean thoughts are always shot towards you, sometimes along with a mean look... Yes, you've failed to make anything easy. Walking away.. That's hard. Giving up... It's hard as well. Smiling when you feel like crying - Ohmygosh, almost impossible! Giving up a friend that has been the only thing keeping you from going crazy and crying in front of the whole school - Even harder. & Quite frankly, I'm tired of trying to please you, World. You seem to get harder each day. I feel if I isolate myself from all these people, all these places, I will grow and finally mature to where I need to. & I mean all people in general,,, Well, sorta, I just want to get away from anyone I've ever talked to, glanced at, everything familiar. I will ofcourse, wait until after college, and maybe a year after that so I can get some work but, I will get away from this place, if it takes the best of me, Oh well. I just need some space to figure out who I am & what I'm here to do. I always thought I knew what I wanted, who I am, whom to trust. But, neither of those three have I been correct about. I have no idea what I want or what I need. I don't know who I am.. & As far as trust goes, I, starting today, have lost all my trust for every single person I can think of. I don't know. I feel I've trusted people that I shouldn't of and it's only gotten me distracted on who I'm here for & that I know the answer to...GOD!!!:) World, as much as I dislike you at the moment, I will recover and start loving you again but, as far as my decisions changing,,Notta chance! As far as me trusting someone again in the near future? Nope! I'm here on my own, except for my God ofcourse. I have an amazing family & I love them so, I know they will always love me & I think badly of none of them. As far as friends go, I have a lot of them but, I think I rather have a true friend, the kind that God says does exist. & NO, I do not mean like a husband blah blah blah. I mean like a best friend & if you don't get that, I'm truly sorry. I do love all my friends and people God has put in my life though! As far as love goes, I'm through with it as well. I'm only a teenager, I have no idea what I need, want, or diserve. I'm not stupid but, neither am I smart. I'm here to learn, live, and love the Lord!! & As hard as it's going to be, I'm saying "goodbye" to the things, people, and ways of my past that have distracted me from who I am here for.

World, I dislike you but, I completely understand and will come around to forgiving you because unfortunatly, I fail at staying mad at someone, even though I feel they diserve it! Or maybe they don't... My anger and confusion has put me in a faroff place that I don't like. I get angry over nothing. I get confused easily. When will, I learn to be patient? When will I learn that the world doesn't evolve around me. Gahhhhhhh.


Gosh,
God, please help me stay strong and follow your Will. I love you, oh so much!! & I'm glad you put the answers in my head today. You proved to me that it is wrong to trust people, and to look up to people because they are what I just said, people. They are just as human as me. I am not dissing them. I am imperfect, as well. I've learned I need to look to YOU for answers, not anyone else. As hard as that will be, I will be strong and do so..... Lord, I love you. & Thanks for watching over me at my most desperate time. & For somehow keeping me from crying.

Steph Alderson